Hotel Bella Muerte: Sarahs Story Part 2

“He…..the head priest…..abused me.” Sarah said sniffling as she wiped at the tears that streaked down her face. “It started gradually, with a summons to the library. He knew of my love of books and used them to lure me into the library alone, just he and I. It went from discussing books,to carefully timed, random touches, to more uncomfortable ones, then finally…….” She trailed off staring into the distance. 

There was no need for her to finish the sentence. I knew what she was trying to say but couldn’t find the words to say aloud. As she took a moment to compose herself she looked out the window at the now beginnings of the dawn rising. We had talked through the night and as the sun just peaked over the horizon, she steeled herself to finish her story.

“I went to Sister Matilda after the first occurrence. She was appalled at what had happened, not at me though for which I was grateful. I don’t think she ever blamed me once in all the years I have known her. She knew where the blame truly lay and with whom. She sought to take care of the situation. “I’ll take care of things, don’t you worry.” She told me. I didn’t at first. However, slowly as the days passed from the day in the library, there were whispers and disdainful glances thrown my way amongst the other nuns and girls. I knew they knew what had happened and blamed me for being imprudent as if I had been the one to seduce their beloved head priest. They cared not for the truth and for what I had suffered at his hands. I began to notice them turning on Sister Matilda as well for having spoken out against him. Then one day the only true friend and protector I had at that horrible school was gone. When I asked where she had gone, I was only told she had been reassigned. My heart was shattered and my safety gone. From then on I was called into the library every time I went to clean the boys school. My outlet became my torture and prison with no escape in sight. It went on for a few months before I realized……I was pregnant.” She finished with a deep intake of breath.

“I tried to hide it at first, but you can only hide a pregnancy for so long before others begin to notice as well. I was successful for nearly 6 months when one of the nuns who supervised our baths saw how my stomach began to poke out. She grabbed me by the arm harshly and said, “You little wretch! You just couldn’t contain your perverse lust to yourself and now look at what you’ve done!” As she dragged me up the stairs straight to the head matron’s office. She told me to wait outside in a seat as she went to talk to her. I then heard bouts of yelling and shouting that quickly faded to hushed whispers. No doubt discussing my situation and my sins against God and the priest. Soon they both came out. Without much ceremony the nun who had brought me there took me by my wrist, hard enough to leave bruises, as the head matron said she would make the phone call, and escorted me to where my bed and things were within the dormitories. She told me to pack my things and I did so without question. At first I thought they sought to throw me out of the school and a bit of hope arose within me. Once I dared to ask the sister where I was going those hopes were dashed. I was told I would be going to another outlet run by the church…..the home for unwed mothers. To feel so close to being free from that place and those people and the organization they served only to find out I would be sucked into yet another place possibly just as bad if not worse was indescribable. 

As she led me down the main stairs towards the front door I saw the head priest and the head matron speaking nearby. They stopped speaking as we drew near and though the priest said nothing at all and just stared at the floor the head matron stared me straight in the eyes and in a cold tone said how she was so disappointed in my conduct and how she hoped the next few months at my “new home” would help me reflect on my sins and that I should “seek forgiveness” from them. Then, with that, I was taken out the front door and to a car that was waiting there for me. Once inside it took me to my soon to be new home. 

The ride took about a half hour, since it was on the other end of the town the schools were located in. It was enough time to think about all that had happened in my time at the school in the years I had been there and how quickly things had gone from bad to worse. I had wanted to be a bright light and to help the others……but I couldn’t even help myself. Now I was off to a new and unsure future. As the trees strangled the light from the sun, passing shadows across my face as the car rode on, I began to cry. The driver never looked or said anything the whole way, to which I was grateful. Sooner than I wished we pulled up to the unwed mother’s home. It was a dank building in need of repairs and a fresh coat of paint. What was more disheartening was the amount of young women, some my age, some older, some younger who were all about the place. Their stomachs rounded to varying degrees and full with life. That’s when my own pregnancy became all too real for me. For the first time I became aware of just how dire my situation was, and how little hope I had for a future being an unwed, underage, native girl with no job or home and no prospects to speak of. Tears welled up again and I began to panic. It was then the door opened and a familiar voice called to me between my sobs. “It’s alright child…..youre safe with me now.” it said gently as a reassuring hand was placed on my shoulder. I looked up and through the blur of my tears saw Sister Matilda! I wasted no time in embracing her and she held me a long time before we broke the hug. She led me inside and got me comfortable.”

Sarah paused then, looking at me with eyes mixed with sadness and joy. She continued then. Going on to say how the home, though run down, had been made habitable and even a bit homely through the efforts of Sister Matilda who was charged with running the home. All who lived there adored her, for she never put blame on them, nor chastised any for how they came to be in the situations they were in. Sister Matilda ran the home till she retired to the mother house years later. In that time all the women who came there were given a home, food, healthcare, places to find work, and after their babies were born a choice. The church also ran an adoption agency and through them, if the mothers chose it, could give up their babies for a fresh start. 

“Life was made safe, simple, and new there.” Sarah told me with a soft smile on her face. “Sister Matilda made sure of it and there was no one she ever turned away. I came to find peace in her care but that peace wouldn’t last long. You see, I was under age which meant no matter if I wanted to…..I wouldn’t be able to keep the baby. Sister Matilda prepared me for this, as best as could be done. She also told me how the plan was that after I had the baby, I would be sent back to the school till I turned 18. She saw the fear in my eyes at the thought of returning. As tears began to form in my eyes she took my hand and she said while staring into my eyes, “That must not happen though and I will not fail you twice!” She was determined that I should be safe from those people and that place. Her determination fueled mine and that was when the plan was set. The doctor that delivered the children was a kind man, and his respect and admiration of Sister Matilda was great. She had talked him into granting her a favor, one that saved my life no doubt and changed my fate forever. He had agreed that when the time came to have my baby, he would deliver my child, and then say there was a complication. He would then pronounce me dead, and I would then be taken away, given a new identity, and the chance at a new life. The only catch was I would leave my child behind. I wanted to be a mother so badly, but I wanted what was best for the child as well. Without me they would have a family who loved them and could grow and thrive. I had very little to offer. In the end I agreed, and when the time came the plan was carried out. 

The night it all happened I went into labor, and soon after a while the baby was born…..it was a boy who thankfully looked like me and not the father. Before I left with the doctor Sister Matilda watched as I held my child for the first and only time. Tears were in her eyes and she had to look away a few times, knowing how harsh the situation was and how difficult it was for me. She suddenly got a look on her face as if she remembered something and briefly left the dimly lit room. When she came back she placed two things in my hand as I held my boy with the other. As I opened my hand and saw what she placed there I was floored. It was two pocket watches, seemingly identical in size, shape, and color. They both were engraved with the image of a bird flying on them. “These were watches my father made for me and my brother when we turned eighteen. My brother died in the war and his came to me also. I want you to have them, one for you and one for the baby so that one day you may once again find each other.” Sister Matilda told me. I was touched once again by her thoughtfulness and love for me. I took the watches and placed one in my pocket and one within the blanket of my son, tucked away for safe keeping. That was when I looked up to see the Doctor come back in the room. Everything was set and ready to make my escape. I said my tearful goodbye to my dearest friend, Sister Matilda, and promised I would write under my new name, Mary Littlefeather, and hugged her tight, thanking her for all she had done for me. I left then, all my belongings, all my past, and looked only now to the future. One thing still had to be done though, I had to give up my baby. 

It had been agreed that in no way did I want the church involved in adopting out my child but it was too risky to take him to another agency. It was agreed, however, that we would drive a while till we found a good hospital, and I would leave my baby there in the lobby and quietly walk out and leave. It was such a brash thing to do and in many ways cruel to him, but I had very few options then, and couldn’t be discovered lest the school find out the truth. So that was what I did. It has remained to this day the hardest decision of my life.” Sarah said, rising from her seat to take our long empty cups to the sink. As she rose I watched her, deeply saddened for all she went through and all that had come to pass in her young life. I asked then, “Where did you go after that?”

Sarah thought for a moment and said simply, “ Everywhere. Not all at once though mind you. I was a bit of a rolling stone after that, never staying in one place for too long. Since I was good at cleaning I took up work at places that people would hire me to clean such as businesses, homes, and even hotels.” 

At the mention of the word hotel I suddenly perked up and a thought hit me so hard. “Did you ever by chance work at a place called The Hotel Bella Muerte?” I asked hopefully.

“Why yes I did, come to think of it. Not for long though it was a strange place with strange rules and hardly no guests. I think I lost my pocket watch there…..yes actually I’m certain I did. I remember now because I left there in a hurry after a strange night and after arriving at my next destination remembered I had left it behind by mistake. I phoned the caretaker at the time……Benny I think was his name…..very odd man he was, and he said he’d mail it to me but never did. How……how did you know I had worked there?” she asked in return with an unsure look on her face.

“I just so happen to be the newest caretaker there. Not too long ago I found this in the hotel safe.” I told her pulling out the watch from my right jean pocket and held it out to her. Her eyes grew wide with amazement and wonder as she hurriedly reached out to take the watch from my hand. “It is yours, is it not?”

“My God it is!!!” She exclaimed, bringing her hand to her mouth while shaking her head in disbelief. “I never thought I would see this again, I can’t believe it! After all these years! I left the hotel and by that time I was 31 years old and had met a kind man one town over, Richard Spencer. We married and moved out here. Somewhere along the way I lost correspondence with Sister Matilda and started my life over again, this time a happier chapter. I never forgot this watch, the woman who gave it to me, or my life before. It simply just took a backseat to life now. My husband died a year ago and I’ve been lonely ever since. See we had no children and watching all my friends with theirs and their grandchildren…..well….has led me to begin searching in earnest for my child, my son. I was just thinking of all this when you knocked on the door. I still haven’t gotten the chance to ask, how did you know to look for me in the first place?”

After telling her more of myself, of Nathaniel, the town and hotel, she was delighted and shocked to hear that after all this time, he had never forgotten her and was still worried about her. I wrote down Nathaniel’s contact info and she said she would give him a call soon. After chatting a bit more and being cooked a hearty breakfast of ham, eggs, and toast, we parted then with the promise of remaining in contact. As Sarah closed the door behind me and I walked down the path from her door to my car, a thought hit me. My father had said when I had last visited that he had a watch left with him at the hospital he had been abandoned at. Surely it was just a coincidence…….right?