All I had wanted that night was sleep, and in the split moment between me closing the door and hearing that tapping on the door of my balcony, I thought about how much I wanted to leave this place. But some things in life have a way of sucking you in and not letting you go, this hotel became one of those things for me.
“Now what?” I said out loud turning towards the balcony.
Surely this night had done enough damage on my poor nerves, and it didn’t look like it was done yet. I was squinting now. Trying to see just who was at my balcony door. “Must be some visitor and nothing more.” I uttered.
I arose now from my spot on the bed and walked to the double doors. No one was there. I opened them, and in flew that raven from before. With a fluttering of wings and a loud “CAW. CAW. CAW.” The bird sped by me and landed on the woodwork just above my bedroom door. At this point I fully expected it to begin talking again, utter the word Nevermore or some shit as it had before. Only it didn’t, it simply eyed me and sat there.
“What do you want?” I asked, hoping it wouldn’t answer but knowing it would.
“Jesus.” Was its only reply. “ Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” That was the only thing it would say.
I fully expected at this point for the bird to break out into song, singing some old hymn, or perhaps it was trying to talk to me about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as a pamphlet fell from its beak, either way I didn’t have time for this. The clock now read 3:24am and I wasn’t about to lose another minute of sleep do a dumbass bird. I yelled at the bird which did nothing, then I tried taking off my cardigan and swinging at the bird, this only made the bird more upset and his Jesus’ only continued to get louder as it flew over to the perch and cage in the corner of the room
Now I’m sure you’ve all heard that joke about the robber entering a home and hearing a bird utter the name Jesus right before they met their demise but if you hadn’t let me set the scene:
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
This of course played in my head, and I became a little fearful. Was this bird warning me of what was to come, and was Jesus “watching me”? I didn’t intend to find out. I began swatting at the bird and chasing it around the room, armed with only exhausted wit, a cardigan sweater, and my disheveled self. It would land and I would strike, never hitting the bird but landing my blows to the side of the animal. To my dismay it did nothing to urge the bird from the room back to the great outdoors. I huffed, now winded and arms sore, and blew a strand of hair from my face as I tried one last time to usher the raven out of my room. It didn’t work; it merely landed where it had originally above my room’s door. I was out of options, tired, sore, and to the point of tears. It had probably been the worst first day I could have ever imagined at a new job and the first night was proving to be much of the same if not worse still. As I flopped down into one of the high backed chairs, staring at the raven, I begged it one last time to leave. It simple uttered one more “Jesus!” much louder than before. That’s when in the recesses of my memory I recalled Rule #127. Make sure to feed Jesus every night, or else.
Was the bird warning me of Jesus’ arrival or was it introducing itself to me? I took a chance and asked the bird, “Are you Jesus?”
“Yes.” The bird croaked out in its high pitched voice.
“What the hell do you want from me Jesus?” I ventured, hoping to get a decent reply.
“I’m hungry. I’m huuuunngry.” It replied now speaking in the high pitched voice of a frail, old lady.
“Well, I guess I could find you something to eat, what do ravens eat anyways?” I asked.
“I want some coffee, and some breakfast.” It now spoke in a weirdly Irish accent.
“It’s too early for breakfast. It’s only 3:58am.” I groaned, “It’s still the middle of the night.”
“Well….” It replied while looking lost in thought,”…I’ll take a sandwich then.”
I snorted, “Birds don’t eat sandwiches, they eat worms and other insects and shit.”
“Do we? Are you sure about that?” the raven asked me in a deep baritone voice
“Yes. I’m quite sure,” How preposterous a thought, a bird eating a sandwich. It didn’t even have arms to hold it with. “Pick something else and for heaven’s sake use your own voice.” I said
“Oh. Well, how about a grilled cheese?” it replied
“That’s just another type of sandwich.” I stated now becoming even more agitated than before.
“Well….how about a ruben then?” It now asked but it added after seeing the annoyed look on my face, “A sub, or maybe a philly……how about a ham and swiss.”
“Those are all types of sandwiches you dumb bird!” I yelled as I balled up my sweater and threw it at the raven, completely missing my shot but getting my point across.
“Well what would you suggest?” It asked as it looked me in the eye.
We stared at each other for some time before I suggested something a little more easily edible for the avian creature. “How about some berries?”
“OH YES PLEASE!!” It gleefully shouted.
“Fine I’ll get your stupid berries then.” I said as I rose from my seat and ventured toward the door.
As I slowly walked to the kitchen, I looked at every place something could jump out at me. At this point it wasn’t completely out of the question to wonder what could happen next, but thankfully nothing happened. I reached the kitchen and opened its door, no one was there but I halfheartedly expected there would be if I didn’t hurry. I quickly got to the fridge and got the berries out. They were the only things inside, just the mixed berry bag and nothing else. As my own stomach began to rumble I halfway wished there was something in the empty fridge for me. I was in the mood for my mother’s comfort food, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, mac and cheese with baked ham, or even roast beef and her buttery broccoli and cheese casserole. After I got the berries out I went to place the remainder of them back in the fridge. As I opened it I was surprised to find a single plate of food in the fridge, a plate of mashed potatoes, baked ham, and broccoli and cheese casserole. I didn’t even begin to wonder at this point, I just took the plate and warmed it in the microwave in front of me. Grabbing a fork from one of the drawers I grabbed the plate and berries and headed back to my room. Once there the bird began to caw once more, but it didn’t sound menacing this time around, just happy to see me and the food.
I placed the berries in the little feeding trough next to the cage and the raven immediately flew over to investigate, cocking its head to the side a little to get a better look at what I was doing. After feeding Jesus, I sat once more in the chair positioned towards the cage in the room and watched as the bird munched happily on his berries, and I ate my own food. I was shocked by how delicious the food was; it tasted just like my mother’s home cooking. I made a mental note to investigate that fridge in the morning, but for now I was simply content with my plate of food, full belly, and the comfy chair.
After we had both finished our meal Jesus looked back at me and said “Thanks for the meal.”
“You’re welcome.” I replied now no longer at odds with the bird. “So what exactly are you and how is it that you can talk?”
“I’m a spirit animal.” It responded. “I always have been. I try and take care of the new caretakers here, give them advice and whatnot.”
“A spirit animal? You mean like a spirit guide?” I asked looking for clarification.
“No, I am a totem. I help give the caretakers here great insight. Native American’s believed Ravens were able to transform into humans and back again. We are considered the wisest of birds.” It said between a mouthful of food.
“You couldn’t even distinguish between different types of sandwiches. How could I ever trust your insight into anything?” I asked
“Well…..just ask me anything.” The raven replied.
“What is wrong with this place? Why is it the way it is?” I wanted an answer to my question and I was going to wait all night to get it if I had to.
“That’s a hard question to answer, but I’ll try. You see there isn’t any one thing that makes this place the way it is, it is a culmination of various things. Long ago, when this place was built, the man who bought the land paid no heed to the tribes that had lived on it. They begged him to spare their sacred lands and not destroy the places that held spiritual significance to them. His response was to not only to destroy the land and cut down their forests, but he paved the foundations of this town on their ancient burial grounds. They were protected by deep and powerful curses that would affect any who disturbed the final resting place of their ancestors. He also killed any of them that stood in his way. The tribes that lived here put curses on their once beloved lands as well and on the man who took the land away from them. They were forced to leave their once beautiful homeland and in order to survive. So you see, this place is always and forever in a sort of limbo between life and death. It straddles the line between the two and in so doing, traps the souls of all who die here.”
“But I’m not dead or dying.” I finally said after a period spent in deep thought over the raven’s tale.
“Not yet, but all die here eventually. Once you become a part of the hotel and the town it resides in, you can never leave.” He answered.
I had a lot to think about, but it was late and I was so very tired. I decided it was time for me to go to sleep at last, and as if he had read my mind Jesus nodded to me with the “sup” nod as if to say goodnight and you’re not too bad after all, and he hop walked into the cage for the night. Tucking his head under his right wing the bird finally fell asleep. I set my now empty plate aside on the coffee table, looked back at the clock that now read 4:44pm and before I could even muster the energy to get up, fell asleep in the chair. My last thought of the night before drifting off was, what the heck did I have to look forward to tomorrow?
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